What Might Have Been
by Twilight's Dawn
Summary: Hermione reflects on her life as it might have been, and wonders what will happen now. Set summer after 5th year, so some OotP spoilers.


Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the genius who created Harry Potter and his universe. I am not. I just love her characters so much that I feel the need to borrow them once in a while.   
  
Hermione Granger was annoyed with her parents. Not angry, because Hermione saved her anger for the bigger things in life - Voldemort, Death Eaters, the Dursleys' treatment of Harry....Ron - but she was irritated nonetheless. She knew they were trying to act in her best interests, but really, what did they know of her life? To be fair, they couldn't possibly understand, as they were totally isolated from the wizarding world, but...still!   
  
"It's not too late to transfer to a regular school. You're a brilliant girl, you could catch up." How dare they? How dare they suggest that Hogwarts wasn't good enough!   
  
"You could could get into Oxford if you wanted to." Yes, she could have. If she had chosen that life. She still could...theoretically. But in reality, there was no going back. Hermione was a witch, not a Muggle, and no amount of hiding or studying could change that. She was part of a war, too far in now to back out. What would happen, if she quit Hogwarts? What if one day, a Death Eater decided to find her and she didn't know how to defend herself because she had left Hogwarts? There's only so much a Muggle degree can do, after all. It can't teach you to defend yourself from magical attacks, for one.   
  
When did she start thinking of her parents as Muggles? True, they were non-magic people, but up until now they had always just been her parents. It was just that they were just so hopelessly non-magical sometimes. Like now. They just couldn't - or wouldn't - understand what was going on in her life. Rationally, Hermione knew that this was probably just a typical teenaged thing to think - she had read about it in one of those books that her mum had gotten for her when she was younger, one of those books that she tried hard to take in a matter-of-fact kind of way, but always ended up blushing anyhow. Ron wasn't the only one whose blushes gave him away. But luckily, both Ron and Harry, being boys, were hopelessly clueless and unobservant, and probably wouldn't notice if Hermione danced naked in front of them. Well, maybe then. But only just. Not that she could blame Harry. He had the right to be distracted, with Sirius's death, and all of the other things going on in his life. But Ron...what was his excuse?  
  
There's another thing Hermione would have missed had she not gone to Hogwarts - Ron and Harry. Her two best friends, even if they were prats sometimes. Sometimes it seemed like she was more their babysitter than their friend. But then, if she didn't do it, who would? She could only imagine the kind of trouble the two of them would get into without someone to hold them back. And how in the world would they pass their classes? No, those two needed a steadying influence.  
  
More of her mother's words echoed in Hermione's head. "Why must you always be so serious? There's more to life than school, you know. You should get out more during the summer." Get out more? With a mad Dark Lord and his supporters on the loose? And Hermione a Muggle-born witch who was friends with Harry Potter? Though Hermione wasn't paranoid enough to believe that danger lurked around every corner - Moody would be disappointed at her lack of 'constant vigilance' - she was smart enough not to take senseless risks. Unlike some people she knew... Her mother couldn't know that, though. And Hermione was afraid to tell her, afraid of hearing the words, "We can't let you go back to Hogwarts." What would happen to her without Hogwarts? She could be a normal girl, a small part of her mind whispered. A normal girl whose biggest concern was the A-levels and getting into a good university. Not a girl whose best friend was the world's best defense against a powerful psychopath. Not a girl who had to watch her every step to keep herself and her loved ones out of danger. But after seeing what she had, would she be able to live that way? Ignoring what she knew of the wizarding world, not being able to help, not knowing whether her friends were dead or alive. How could she deal with the transparency and shallow everyday concerns of the rest of the world? Even Parvati and Lavender seemed so caught up in their own petty problems all the time, and they knew what was happening in the wizarding world. She couldn't live in a world where no one knew, or understood.   
  
It's amazing how much a life can change in a few years. In five years, Hermione's dreams changed from wanting to be a doctor and a mother to wanting to see the Dark Lord destroyed. And after that? Hermione had hardly even considered a life after the destruction of Voldemort. She had no doubt that he would be destroyed, at whatever cost. Between Harry and Dumbledore, and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, Voldemort couldn't possibly manage to win. But afterwards? If she hadn't gotten that letter from Hogwarts, hadn't been a witch, Hermione would have known where her life's path lay. On to university, possibly to study in America, get a job as a doctor - that was what smart people did, after all - probably get married, have children. What did smart people do in the wizarding world? All the great wizards seemed to be...teachers. Not that Hermione considered herself to be a great witch, but...well, she did have the highest marks in her year. Or in the school. She could see herself teaching. Arithmancy, maybe, or Transfiguration. But why did they teach those subjects in school if there was nothing to be done with them other than teach them? There must be a practical use for those skills. She'd have to do some research into that. The brief career counselling that they had gotten a few months ago hadn't been much help...there were just so many options, and Professor McGonagall had been too riled up over that Umbridge woman to be of any real help. So, career-wise, her life was uncertain. As for marriage and children...well, there was no predicting that. But no matter what, she knew that her best friends would still be there. Harry, probably happily married to someone who understood his life, and didn't hero-worship him. (Maybe that was why everyone thought that she was Harry's girlfriend...she was one of the few people who treated him like a person, not an idol. But they just didn't seem to understand the concept of friendship between a boy and a girl.) Ron...Hermione winced, embarrassed, and pushed the thought away before it could develop. She didn't want to think of Ron in the future, because thinking of Ron's future meant either thinking of his future with another woman (which was impossible to endure) or thinking of his future with her (which was presumptuous and unlikely, especially given their tendency to have blazing rows.) Despite the fact that that was what she wanted. Stop it, Hermione told herself. It's just a teenaged infatuation, not a lifelong love. (There was that book again, making an appearance in her thoughts.) But she could picture it in her mind, so well...  
  
It's impossible to predict the future, Hermione decided. What she needed to focus on was getting through this summer safely, and returning to Hogwarts in September. She could convince her parents that A-levels weren't the most important things in the world, and that NEWTS and OWLS were just as useful. And she could do everything possible to help the Order, despite their insistence that she wasn't of age.   
  
And she could hope. Because there is always hope in the world.  
  
(A/N) A bit of a sappy ending, don't you think? But I truly do believe that. 


End file.
